Mom 4 Biz

What happens to kids who come from broken homes? It’s a good question to ask, and although I’m certain as I’m writing this that there is some study, somewhere out there that will tell you that if you’ve broken up your home, your child is doomed to a life of brokenness, pain and suffering because of your choice. But, I’m going to tell you something different.

Your child is NOT doomed to failure, a life of brokenness, and suffering because of your choice, unless you continue to make choices that take both you and your children down a road of suffering and pain. Your child, just like every other child born on this planet was intended for success, achievement and greatness. Your child can have greatness if you and your child chooses greatness to be a part of his or her life.

I speak this from experience. I have four children and my home has been broken. When my husband left, he abandoned us and never once looked back. His desire for family had been false when we married, he’d said he wanted children, because he knew all the right things to say to “catch a wife”. But when it came right down to what he wanted, it wasn’t a family. He wanted the convenience of a family who was available to him when HE wanted to be there, a family that made no demands on his time, didn’t need his money and didn’t need him around, but was willing to be what he wanted when he wanted them.

After we’d been separated for quite some time, he stopped by some friends and showed them a family photo he carried in his wallet. The photo shoot had been scheduled so he could be there too. But, he never showed up. The photos were shot with just me and the kids. And that’s the photo he was showing off to our friends. His family, the one where he wasn’t part of our lives, because he chose not to be.

He left more than eight years ago and the kids haven’t seen him since, except for a few incidental sitings at the local stores. They want nothing to do with him, because he abandoned them. On one occasion, he visited a store where my daughter worked and tried to talk to her, she called a different clerk to wait on him and left him to the other clerk.  She went back to work. “He didn’t know me and didn’t want me, when I needed a Dad. Now, I don’t need him, and I don’t want him coming and going from my life as he pleases, that just isn’t what good Dad’s do.” She said in one long discussion about him. “I can’t trust him not to up and leave again, because he’s already proven he’s untrustworthy.”

One issue that comes up from broken homes is when children aren’t given an option to have their own boundaries and express them. 

Children must be able to say, this is my space and you’re not welcome here. On occasion, they need to be able to say this to an adult, a parent, if necessary, and be heard because they are in control of their lives. It’s an important concept that children need to learn at a very young age. They’re in control of their own destiny and that means they can control the relationships around them.

This doesn’t mean they don’t have boundaries or limitations within which they must excel. But it does mean that once those boundaries are met, they get a say in their future.

Children must understand that their own limitations are fundamental and they will change as they become mature enough to handle greater freedom.

As children earn more and more privilege, it is imperative that they realize these freedoms are due to their ability to handle them and not simply because they’re given privileges with no responsibilities. One of the greatest injustices I see done to children is the benefit of privileges with no responsibilities. When children get to do something new and there’s no responsibility tied to that privilege, they lose the ability to grow under their own power. They lose their own initiative to become a greater person because it means something. In short, they become irresponsible for their own choices.

Children must understand they are responsible for the privileges they receive.

Children must realize that family is a choice that is irrevocable.  Once you CHOOSE to have a family, you can’t walk away, you can’t leave, and you can’t abandon your family. 

Male or female, I believe this one concept, a basic precept of life, is more important than any other precept your child can EVER learn. If you choose to have sex a child may be the result of your choice. Abortion is not an option. Abandonment is not an option. You made the choice, the responsibility is yours. No matter what the other person chooses to do, you’ve chosen to become a parent, the moment you choose to participate in a sexual relationship. You can’t ever unchoose that choice, and you can’t undo that decision. You’ve just right then chosen to take responsibility for another being, if indeed that being comes into existence. If the other person chooses to abort, you’ve participated in the murder of that child, you helped to conceive - even if you participated unknowingly in the act of abortion, because you CHOSE to have sex with that person.

I’ve often heard parents say, “My son didn’t choose to abort that baby, the girl did, and he’s now free to go and live his life.” And my answer to them is, “No, your son will never again be free. He knows in his heart of hearts that he chose to commit an act that may have resulted in a child. By committing that act, he made a choice that is lasting, live long and bares responsbility. He chose to make a child. Whether or not there is a child there, he took on the responsibility of making the choice, as did the girl. He’s NOT free. He’ll answer for the choice at some point, and ultimately he’ll have to face his choices and the responsibility that comes with them.”

Children from broken homes can become everything they want to be, and more.

If the parent who is left steps up and takes the responsibility for the lives of their children, he or she can make the difference in how the child sees themselves. How much more important is your child than your job? Than your friends? Than your relationships? Are you willing to make your child a priority?

I’m not saying you have to put your life on hold or stop having friends, dating and working toward your goals. But, I am saying that in the process of working toward your goals, dating and having friends, your children MUST know that they come first. There may be times when you have to say, “Because I love you, I have to go to work and you’ll have to ride to the event with a friend, or Grandma, or someone else.” or there may even be times when you tell your child, “No you can’t participate in that event, because we can’t afford to put you in that activity.” Never mislead your children and NEVER, EVER tell them they can have something for nothing. Life isn’t like that, there’s work to be done.

Kids from broken homes can thrive if their parents are willing to stand their ground, take a higher road and be the responsible parent, even when they’re alone. This is true of families that are not broken as well. Sometimes you have to say NO, and mean it.

Dress for Success – Rules for Mom’s at Home Basic Fashion Sense

Okay, I’ll admit it… My favorite “pal around the house” garb is a pair of jammy pants, a tank top and flip flops, but if I want to make an impression on someone important, that just won’t work. So, I have to don my grown-up clothing sense and dress the part of the successful business owner I am.

Rule #1 - Own a selection of basic fashion staples.

In neutral colors, buy these essential elements and you’ll have a wardrobe in a pinch that will keep your successful reputation in the high-end of fashion sensibilities. A pair of pleated front trousers for those occasions where a dress is just too much and a skirt suit is inappropriate, mix and match these. A pair of flat front slacks to wear with those skinny short jackets. A short straight skirt for those moments when pants just won’t do, because a skirt makes you look and feel polished. A fuller, longer skirt you’ll wear for those days when you have to dress up, but want to feel more feminine. Camisole tops in your neutral color, but you can add colorful selections to these too, because they’re generally inexpensive.  Jackets, one will do, but seriously, you need two. Get one in a form fitting blazer style that fits you like a glove for those days when Professional starts with a CAPITAL P. Get another in a relaxed, easy fitting style that looks absolutely stunning over every basic you can imagine, in a fabric that can go anywhere, because you’ll need this one often.

Rule #2 – Keep these impeccably and perfectly presentable at all times.

Dry-cleaner. Get on the best side of your local dry cleaner and make him [or her] your best friend. They’ll do things for you that you could NEVER, EVER do for yourself. Splurge on PRESENTABLE for these items – it’s THAT important.

Rule #3 – Own at least one “little black dress” for any occasion.

Every woman in the world should have at least one “little black dress” that will work for any occasion. This should be something she can dress up or down according to her needs, and be comfortable enough to wear for ANYTHING. Add a blazer, it’s fit for the office. Add a shawl, it’s fit for a night on the town. Add a sweater and you can do mommy duty anywhere in the world in a little black dress.

Do you work from home, have kids, chase a husband [or boyfriend] and still have personal needs to tend to? Occasionally, moms need to take time out and state their value. Dare to be you, and dress for your corner of success.

Visit http://brandyourmarket.com to learn how you can brand your business for success just as easily as you outfit your wardrobe. You’ll receive a free gift and an opportunity to learn more about Brand Development and Identification on the Internet.

© 2009 – http://janverhoeff.com

Dress for Success – 7 Ways to Present a Professional Appearance

Small town girls occasionally find their way to the big city and wonder how they can fit in with the high-fashion models in the high-rise office towers, but they manage. Here’s how.

1 – Fresh faces

Keep the make up to a minimum and apply what you wear with a light hand, enough to look great, but not so much that you cover up your natural beauty. Try mineral powder make up for a fresh faced look that doesn’t harm your skin. Don’t forget the lip gloss!

2 – Chic hair

Simple wash and wear styles with a great cut and natural lines appeal to most any office position. Add some flair with a quick touch up and a fancy comb. You’ll love the easy wash and wear look when you’re running late to work. The simpler the style the less time it takes.

3 – Comfort underneath

Pull on the basics and remember what your mama told you. You don’t want to wear anything with holes in it. Clean and fresh gives you confidence.

4 – Make sure they fit

No matter what you wear, it must fit well. It doesn’t matter what size you are, you’ll look better in everything you wear if your clothing fits you well. Try everything on and if it doesn’t fit, don’t buy it. Buy only what fits, and only in colors you LOVE.

5 – Co-ordinate everything

Pick a couple of basic colors and add colored accessories to round out your wardrobe. My favorite basics are Black, Khaki and Red. Then add in accessories that coordinate with those basics. That way you don’t have to match thirty colors in shoes and handbag. But, you can add some interesting and flashy handbags to go with your basic colors.

6 – Dare to be different

Toss in a hot pink blazer that goes with most of your basics, or a drop dead coat in a color that gives you that stunning movie-star appearance when you arrive. Better yet, buy one simple black dress that you can wear for any occasion and accessorize it for a variety of locations and situations. One tiny black knit dress that works well with a blazer for work or a pair of fishnet stockings for a night on the town is all you need to set the tone for the rest of your wardrobe.

7 – Add effective jewelry

Affordable costume jewelry is always a fashion right, but what about those times when you need a bit more style and polish? How about a strand of pearls, diamond earrings, or a tennis bracelet that ties it all together?

Glamour doesn’t have to cost you an annual salary. A few pieces go a long ways toward making your statement professional.

Jan Verhoeff presents professionalism online. Her style shines through in character and charm. Visit her blog at http://janverhoeff.com/blog for more fun and exciting professionalism tips and ideas.

© 2009 – http://janverhoeff.com

It’s that time of year again and the kids are all rushing off in a million directions for camp, white water rafting, park preservation, wild life classes, etc. I can’t believe two boys can plan to go so many different places. But, they do.

The problem is, I don’t know how to get the boys to the same events with a limited budget so I often end up offering to help with fundraisers. Well, today, I found a local organization that offers Fund Raiser Options — Just click the Fundraiser Links and you’ll find great ideas for fundraisers with products that parens really use… Can we say - NO magazines. YAY!

Hey, it beats making cinnamon rolls on hot summer days - any day!

Are you looking to make a few bucks from your blog? Or do you need to find a sole source of support for your family? Either way, blogging can be a benefit to your efforts. Let’s chatter about HOW this can happen.

I’ve been blogging and creating web pages for a while now, and they’re fun to create. Some are obviously more fun than others. But the reality is, if you’re a blogger, you’ll either love it or hate it. There’s no in between. It’s an all or nothing proposition. If you hate it when you start out… STOP, go get a real job and don’t drive yourself crazy. This takes a bit of effort, a lot of dedication and a genuine love of sharing what’s in your heart, on your mind, and part of your business. If  you want to live a secret life and not let anybody into your heart, blogging won’t work.

There are folks out there who want to keep their private life totally and miserably PRIVATE. They’re nice folks, but they probably aren’t going to make it blogging. They just don’t have what it takes to share the intimate details of life and keep plugging away at the educational benefits of blogging, if they want to stay private. However, as with any rule, there are exceptions.

I have one friend who deliciously creates informative blog posts and shares nothing at all of her family, and she does okay. But… Her blog posts lack a certain personal flavor.

I have another friend who shares the most intimate details of her life, and I do mean intimate… Her blog posts lack good taste (I’ve already said this to her).

I believe there’s something in between.

I like sharing bits and pieces of my life, but I’m seriously NOT going to give  you any intimate details that I wouldn’t tell you if you were standing right here. And, I promise you, if I won’t tell my Mom, it won’t be in my blog. In fact, honestly, there are things that I won’t put in my blog because I feel they are just too personal for anyone to know. For instance, I might tell you what I had for dinner last night. But I’m probably NOT going to tell you who all was with me for dinner last night (it’s nun-ya).

I might even let you in on the fact that I had a date for dinner last night, but I’m not going to tell you anything about the date, and definitely NOT who he was. That would be none of your business, and definitely not something I want to tell.

Some of my favorite blog posts aren’t personal in nature at all, but reveal a lot of personal details in a demure fashion. I enjoy sharing the details of life without actually giving anything away…

The real thrill of being a mommy blogger is sharing my children in unique and different ways that offer up their attributes, give you a glimpse into our lives, and still maintain a realm of privacy. There are some who believe they can figure anything out. I once received a post from a woman who thought she’d figured it all out and posted her condemnation of my life choices. I didn’t get too excited, she’d disowned one of her children and wasn’t speaking to another one at the time. She wasn’t a major winner as a person, and her own children didn’t respect her much. I figured her comment probably didn’t mean much in the scope of life, because her opinion wasn’t an opinion I considered worthy of my time and effort. Writing about my children makes me happy because I’ve got GREAT children.

Including a glimpse of my personal life allows my readers to know that I’m a real person. It’s an important part of making my ‘reality’ come true. I need this outlet because I’m a people person and I work from home. As a home school mom who dearly loves her children, I also enjoy having other people comment on my work. Their comments mean something to me, if only a moment of time. Even the folks who offer up negative comments, mean something to me. I appreciate that they took the time to write me, especially if they didn’t like what they saw.

So, what tips should you use, if you’re a mommy blogger?

• Be authentic. Don’t try to be something you’re not. Just be yourself. That’s important. I have a blog I visit now and then, at The Pioneer Woman. I don’t always agree with her, and sometimes I think she’s a bit overdone, but I do like the fact that no matter what post you’re reading, she’s a hot number with a great family. Absolutely STELLAR blog.
• Be consistent. I have a bit of trouble with this one. I can’t quite get the key to writing daily on my blog. I have other things to do, like chase kids around their lives. I love my kids, but they take time! I suppose, in my next life, I won’t have to worry about what time I need to be somewhere else.
• Be wholesome. This is important. So often, mommy bloggers share things that just shouldn’t happen in the real world of blogging. Don’t share that stuff. Leave your readers some of the grossities for next season. I don’t care if you got a Brazilian Wax and I certainly don’t need a detailed description of your actions. I believe if you want a Brazilian Wax, you should get it, but don’t TELL me!

There are so many other blogs I follow and I’d love to tell you all of them, but then … I’d have to shoot you. So, what I will do is recommend  you get on TWITTER and ADD ME to your twit list so I can share my blog posts with you.

Communications – Influences on Perception via Self-Serving Bias in the Parent v. Teenager

By Jan Verhoeff

 Communicating with a teenager often ends in tears, because the reality you’re trying to force your teen to see is yours. Consider a different view…

Over the years, teenagers have been an important part of communications. Improvements in technology and growth in power and position have improved teenager’s ability to communicate demanding greater understanding on the part of adults. Teenagers no longer are willing to accept the age old “rules of communication”. They want greater control over their lives.

Should they have greater control?

The dance of parental control has been an art of communication for centuries, since men stopped living in caves and determined that children didn’t come of age until after puberty. Children live through those dastardly years of learning, and begin to struggle through teen years, attempting to gain independence from parental constraints. Parents love their children through the years of toddlerhood into puberty and tolerate the struggles of teen years, vying for power with gifts of technology, promises of freedom and echoes of wisdom attempting sheer survival.

At what point does freedom for the teenager cease to be a power struggle for parents?

Perspective plays a greater point of reference than we realize during these years. If you make an effort to see life through the teenager’s eyes, you’ll see the reality of their struggle for independence. The world ahead scares them, they have no basis for understanding it and this world is a scary place. They feel like they have to get out there fast and accomplish their goals, because it may not still be there next year. Each year takes so long to get through, they don’t realize those years speed up as time passes and in ten years they’ll be 49 years old. The foundational understanding of a teenager holds no compass for passing time. Independence is the force of their world, it’s what they’re working for, and it’s their only real desire.

Parents see a different view. They want their teenagers to enjoy the time allowed for youth because they know it was just ten years ago they were teenagers and those next ten years are going to pass by before they know it (even if it’s 40 years it passes too fast). Adult parents recognize the value of youth, because they feel as if it’s gone too soon. Parents want to protect their children from making mistakes, give them time to grow up before they have to make those difficult decisions, and hope their children will make better choices than they made themselves. Parental goals are not so much to control as they are to guide their children and encourage them.

The difference is perspective. Teenagers are looking forward. Parents are looking backward.

Get a grip on communication with your teenager, and learn how you can see through their eyes.

Single parent struggles come in all forms at http://mom4biz.com including solutions and ideas to share with your teenager.

© 2009 – http://janverhoeff.com

The Mom Biz is any Business where a Mom can stay home and work from home while raising children and still have enough income to feed the kids. The delightful aspect of a Mom Biz is the kids can work with her, no matter how old they are.

Even when my kids were toddlers, they had “jobs” in my home based business.

Toddlers can do such things as pick up before clients arrive. They can stay quiet and play at their tiny kid table in the corner while Mom has a client at her desk. They can help with “trash detail” and walk out to the trash with you when you take out the trash. They can be silent when the phone rings (yes, it does take training, but there are benefits). Children, even very young children can clear the clutter and help with house keeping chores.

By age two most any child can handle folding wash cloths while mom folds towels, etc. These are easy chores to do.

But more importantly, children can begin to learn the importance of “working” as a part of the family. Give them important things to do as soon as they’re ready. If you keep your checkbook on the computer anyway, allow the kids to balance the checkbook. You always know how much you have, based on the computer entries (which you do NOT take from the flap of the checkbook), but they learn the importance of managing money.

Is it a mess? Sometimes. Will they make mistakes? You have. Will they learn something? Of course they will. Learning is what it’s all about.

The Mom Biz gives mom the opportunity to teach children about running a business from the earliest days of their lives and allow them to step into the position of working without shocking their systems when they suddenly have to do things according to a boss. Kids should be working around home helping out with Mom’s Home Business from the time they can first take a step. They can do something of value.

When I started blogging, I thought I was marketing my content and building a following of like minded people who wanted to know more about what I did (marketing online). I realized about a year into blogging that it truly wasn’t about the content, and the following didn’t much matter either. Blogging was more about the escapism of writing what needed to be said. Other bloggers wrote their thoughts and ideas about life on the big screen, expecting fame and fortune to follow them. I simply wrote articles explaining concepts, precepts and principles that explained how to make money by blogging.

I was making a living from my blogs. I still do.

Along came the mommy bloggers and the teen bloggers who wanted to make a profit from blogging, and I realized my daring if piddly income (I was only raising four kids as a single mom with two in college, and me back in college on my income) could be more if I’d just work this thing smarter and process the payment aspects better by designing in more income. Easier said than done. Adding income on the back side of a blog isn’t nearly as simple as writing articles and marketing  your goods on the front side. It takes a link. There’s more to the backside marketing than a link.

Developing the backside of your blog and carrying a load of interesting content, while attempting to sell some rueful products, services and other proclamations meant actually putting some effort into selling. I had to create products, provide services and actually put out REAL effort. Two hours a day online wasn’t going to cover the time necessary to accomplish my “more income” goal.

I dared to dance.

While others chattered up the concept of making more money by blogging with principles, ideas and profit, I set up a website with high-end profit makers on the backside and daringly hired the folks who would be sending out merchandise, providing services and adding quality-value to my all ready profitable business online. The boom brought me back to reality and there I stood on my pile of rubble massaging my chin from the impact.

Success brought me to ground zero.

The promise began to unfold in the midst of chaos and there was my orchid. I’d missed it the first time, in all the rush to find a rose in good standing, strong, sure and presentable. But the orchid was there… all along.

Article Marketing offers the serious opportunist a method of putting their words out there, drawing traffic and building a business using wisdom, knowledge and information as the foundation of their success. Resulting, high-drive product and service marketing is a side-line industry that can be outsourced to those who have product engineering experience, and actually have quality products to market. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

There are marketers out there waiting for you to sell what they’ve already designed.

Just bring in the traffic, develop a following and do what YOU do best. Write.

If you’re not yet up to the Twitter/facebook rage, you’re probably missing out on the start of something grandiose. It’s phenomenal how many things have happened on the two social networks to change the face of the Internet over the past several months. When my daughter first mentioned facebook to me a couple of years ago, I thought it was a college kids thing, and stayed away.

Within a few weeks, my networking buddies were chatting it up, so I slipped in anonymously to “check it out”.

I went back in later and really signed up (using my real name). I’ve added friends, a few networks, and it’s been an uphill fight the whole time I’ve been on there.  I feel like I’m crawling sand! But, I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I love seeing what my friends are up to on twitter, facebook and any other network that seems to fit into our time schedules. We all enjoy the bantering. It’s fun. We enjoy talking, working and sharing traffic.

We enjoy it almost as much as we enjoy climbing mountains and throwing sand. It’s just seriously FUN.

The key to networking is to stay in focus. Get involved. No matter how often you post, look to see who else is posting and add to the current conversation, increase the flow of messages and participate. That’s what networking is all about.

There are several ways to get yourself a tote bag to carry whatever it is you need to carry. You could make one… There’s a pattern on about half the websites online with some spiffy tote bag designs you can whip up in a jiffy. This one has a really super simple design that makes toting FUN.
This super easy on the mind tote bag reminds you to Read a Book Every Day. If you have children or grandchildren, perhaps this will help them to contain their library books? Maybe you need a spectacular library book of your own? This bright yellow tote bag carries library books, a note pad, your pens and study materials easily.
Or if you’d rather have a great bag to remind you of your sweet little Angel, this one might just do it! Grandma’s little Angel is just the right tote bag for hauling all those every important Grandma goodies, like cookies, toys, and gifts for the Little Angel in your family.

Don’t forget the opportunity you can have from Tote Bags. If you’re looking for a side income for your current home business, or even just a new business you can work from home with kids, try this one. Design and create tote bags for sale online. What a deal! You get profits and all your friends, family and connections get great tote bags in original designs you create especially for them.