Mom 4 Biz

When I visited my daughter’s office recently, she had a photo of her daughter displayed prominently on her desk, wrapped in a pretty pink bow. Attached to the top of the photo was a sticky tab with the words “Sell for me, Mommy!” on it. I pointed it out to my daughter and she said, “My manager posted it there!”

What a motivation! I know my daughter’s primary interest in working is to provide well for her daughter. She’s become quite the Mommy! I’ve never seen a more capable or loving mother, anywhere before. She’s working hard to provide for her daughter and succeeding. Not only that, but I can see the loving affection expressed between mother and daughter.

Way to go, Brenna! You’re succeeding at the Mommy Plan.

Are you living with a controlling partner who wants you to dump your family and friends? Learn the characteristics of an abuser and escape before you become a victim of Domestic Violence.

1. What you wear.

When you started dating, your partner complimented your clothing choices, but after you’ve dated a time or two he tells you that shirt makes you look fat. You look like a whore in those jeans. Or he just doesn’t like anything you wear.

2. Punishes disobedience.

Your partner finds ways to punish or threaten you if you don’t do exactly what he tells you to do. He gets angry and acts out when you don’t do what he wants, and is sweet and affectionate when you follow his ‘suggestions.’ (Are you his dog, getting a treat for behaving the way he demands?)

3. You’re crazy.

He tells you you’re crazy or need ‘help’ if you disagree with him. He makes you think it’s all you, when you feel a need to confront his bad behaviors. He’s perfect, you’re the one with issues and problems.

4. Empty promises.

He doesn’t keep his word, always makes it sound like you’re the one who failed. He’s late because you told him the wrong time, or you gave him the wrong directions. He didn’t get you a gift because you didn’t tell him what you wanted, becomes his excuse.

5. Double standard.

He doesn’t want you talking to your ex, but he calls his ex every weekend. You can’t go out with friends and family, but he leaves you home on the weekends waiting for him while he goes out with his family and friends. Or, he takes you with him and leaves you sitting in the corner wondering why you came.

6. Blames you.

It’s your fault he treats you bad, you didn’t make him want to treat you good. He missed a promotion because he was worried about you flirting with his co-worker. He feels like you don’t care about him, because you don’t do everything he tells you to do.

7. Uses you.

Expects you to support him, drive him everywhere, buy him games and toys instead of getting a job. He spends your money on video games and plays them all day instead of looking for a job like he promised, then tells you that he needed a ride to look for a job.

Are you tired of feeling like a joy stick? You don’t need a controller. Assert your independence and step out of the path of abuse.

You can escape an Abuser. You do have choices. Learn how you can escape from an abusive relationship, and live the life you want to live at http://mom4biz.com© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Are you being victimized by an abuser? Learn the characteristics of an abuser and escape before the abuse starts.

1. Ridicules, Criticizes, and Condemns

Does your partner ridicule, criticize, and condemn you? Those who put others down to feel better about themselves often resort to other bad behavior to feel better about themselves too. Don’t allow anyone to condemn you, ridicule your choices, or criticize who you choose to be. Walk away.

2. Anger Management Difficulties

Does your partner have a short fuse? Does your partner anger easily? Those who anger easily, unable to reason through issues and difficulties often resort to abuse to get what they want. If he kicks the door down, how long will it be until he’s kicking you?

3. Self-Centered Attitude

Everything in his life is more important than you. He makes sure you know that you really don’t count for much, he isn’t really interested in you, doesn’t even like you very much, but he tolerates you in his life? For what? He chooses anything else over you, and makes certain you know he doesn’t value you.

4. Demanding and Possessive

Your partner doesn’t like your friends and family, and makes every effort to condemn them every chance he gets. He ridicules your family and friends, condemning and criticizing them, using derogatory terms to describe them and you. He’s disrespectful of your time and interests.

5. Controlling

Your partner must know where you are and have access to you at all times, often following you to work, calling you at work and accusing you of having an affair, flirting, or doing things behind his back. He wants to know everything you do, while keeping secrets about his own activities.

6. Immature and Childish

No matter what you do, he doesn’t believe you really love him unless you buy him the toys he wants, keep him satisfied, and makes you think it’s your fault his life isn’t perfect. He blames you and lives by a double standard, expecting you to keep ‘rules’ that he doesn’t follow himself.

7. Irresponsible

Your partner isn’t responsible, uses you, doesn’t take responsibility for himself. He isn’t dependable, may not have a job or keep a job, and nothing is ever his fault. He blames everyone else for his failures. He often blames you for his own emotional reactions and bad behaviors.

Are you in an Abusive Relationship?

You do have choices. Learn how you can escape from an abusive relationship, and live the life you want to live at http://mom4biz.com© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Are you a victim of abuse? If you are a victim, you probably don’t know how to leave. You may even feel that it’s your fault you are hurting. I want to tell you right now, the situation you’re in is not your fault. You can leave and there are people who will help you escape. Take that first step and escape today.

Domestic Violence and Abuse can happen to anyone anywhere.

We don’t consider a criminal justice student with training in self defense a victim, but the reality is quite different. Even someone trained extensively in self-defense can become a victim of Domestic Abuse.

The abuse cycle starts before you feel the first blows of a beating, and long before you recognize the abuser. Domestic Violence begins with mind control, when your boyfriend cuts you down for the first time, ridiculing you for being yourself. Your friend may tell you how fat you look in your favorite shirt, or criticize your choices and lifestyle.

One who criticizes others to make themselves feel better lacks self-esteem.

We often allow others to injure our emotional well being long before we would allow the same person to strike us. Although we don’t realize they are hurting us.

We could escape easily in the early stages, if we only recognized an abuser for what they truly are.

When you first realize a person puts you down and hurts you with words, it’s time to leave. It’s time to escape, before the next stage of the abuse cycle starts.

Learn to recognize the characteristics of an abuser and leave before the abuse starts.

Educate yourself about the cycle of abuse and characteristics of an abuser at http://mom4biz.com

© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Have you ever wondered if there’s a way to protect yourself from Domestic Violence? Domestic Abuse happens to one of every three individuals world wide, so let me share some basic rules of self protection.

1. Avoid those who abuse alcohol, drugs, or other substances.

Those who use illegal substances, or even legalized substances in excess, often lack self control and self confidence. Their ability to maintain themselves in a crisis may be minimal. If you’re dating a person and realize this person abuses any substance, uses a substance to excess, or has difficulties dealing with life without a substance of some kind, exit the relationship immediately.

2. Avoid changing your lifestyle for a new relationship.

When you start a new relationship, there are often new requirements on your time, however, those should not exclude your own friends and family. If your new partner wishes for you to be exclusively available to him after work, you might want to consider if this is the person you want to look at every moment of your life. If not, find someone who acknowledges that they are not the only acorn on the planet and pursue your own interests.

3. Avoid people who make you feel bad about who you are.

If you have to defend yourself to a new friend, or an old one, it’s time to find a place to leave the friend. Perhaps you can drop them off at the nearest park bench or bus stop? You don’t have to rid yourself of personal identity and preferences to be part of a relationship. Be yourself. If the new partner doesn’t like you the way you are, offer them a helping hand to the exit. Second thought, just point them to the nearest exit.

4. Avoid having negative individuals in your life.

Those who constantly tell you why something can’t be done, or how you’re not the person who can accomplish a particular fate are not worth your time and effort. Dump them. Find more positive friends who make you laugh and encourage you to accomplish your goals. Do not allow another person, EVER, to bring you down and make you feel unworthy.

5. Avoid those who talk violence constantly.

People who discuss violent acts as if they are natural occurrences often can’t distinguish between right and wrong. They talk trash as if it is part of the natural way of life and can’t be stopped. Those types of personalities accept violent acts in their lives and commit violent acts without understanding the consequences of their actions.

Are you in a violent relationship?

There are solutions, and you do have choices. See http://mom4biz.com to find out more about the options you may have available to you.

© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

While abusers may have similar characteristics, the Victim also may have similar characteristics that would identify them as being abused. These characteristics do not in any way denote a complete list of characteristics, but they do offer some guidelines you might want to look for if you suspect abuse in a relationship.

Victims may possess some or all of the following characteristics:

Isolation, a lonely continence or a feeling of being alone, without support or help.

They accept responsibility for the behaviors of others, particularly their abuser.

Feel powerless in their own lives.

Feel embarrassed to admit they are victims of abuse.

Victims may feel powerless to change their situation or protect themselves.

They feel stuck in the life they chose.

A victim may actually feel responsible for their choice to stay in the relationship.

Put the needs of others ahead of their own safety and personal needs.

Experience extremes of stress reactions.

Deny his/her own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

Have low self esteem. Believe they can’t survive outside the relationship.

Victims of domestic violence may suffer from a variety of physical as well as psychological injuries. Indicators of domestic violence:

Frequent visits to Doctor’s office

Many injuries with no reason

Digestive issues

Eating disorders

Psychological distress.

Evidence of sexual assault.

Indication of injury and no explanation.

If you know someone who is a victim of abuse, or you recognize these symptoms, please get help for yourself or the victim. Contact the police. Call a pastor. Contact a Domestic Safety Center and SEEK Help.

Are you looking for more information?

You’ll find more information at http://mom4biz.com© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Have you ever wondered why victims of abuse stay in the relationship?

I can remember sitting in my chair watching a movie about abusive relationships with tears running down my face, wondering why that woman didn’t leave. But then I looked at my life and I knew.

You don’t leave because you’re afraid.

* You’re afraid your abuser will do something to hurt you worse. You’ve endured maybe years of pain and agony at the hands of this person who has threatened you. Perhaps the threats have been subtle “I can’t live without you.” Or perhaps they’ve been more intense “You’ll never leave me, because I’ll find you anywhere.”

* You’re afraid you can’t support yourself and your children. You’ve been on your own and managed quite well, but your abusive partner has convinced you that you can’t support yourself without him or her. You’ve been unable to hold a job, or to keep a good job in this relationship. Your abusive partner manages, or rather doesn’t manage the money, and you’re always broke.

* You fear for your children. With child custody laws what they are, you fear that your abusive partner will get custody or liberal visitation with your children and you fear that they may be injured if you aren’t there to act as a buffer.

* You’re afraid you’ll be lonely. Your partner has convinced you that you’re unlovable and you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You know your partner loves you because you’ve been told. But you aren’t looking at the way your partner treats you. You’ve accepted empty words and assumed they mean something. Do they?

* You fear living away from your controlling abuser. This one is probably the most difficult to accept. You begin to fear living apart from your abuser. You begin to fear the open ended life you used to crave. You begin to fear that you can’t accomplish your dreams so you accept failure, the fear of achievement holds you back.

If you feel you might be experiencing fear, you probably are reading this and wondering what you can do about it…

You have choices. You can make a different life for yourself. You can escape the abuse. Whether you’re being abused emotionally, physically, or in one of many other ways, you do have the opportunity to escape right now. Report your abuser and get away from the abusive actions, distance is safety. Take your children and get away from the abuse. There is help.

Click here for help http://mom4biz.com© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Have you ever witnessed an abusive relationship and wondered how the abuser gains so much control over the victim? The control and abuse sneak up on the victim. They aren’t apparent, they appear slowly, in ways that don’t allow a victim to recognize what is happening. Often an abuse victim begins a relationship feeling needed and strong. The abuser actually appears to need the victim, because they lack the strength to live separately.

In a simple dynamic, the abuser may be temporarily out of work, but have skills and abilities that are obvious. The abuser may appear to need some help just getting back on their feet from an injury or former relationship. An abuser will be tentative and strong in the eyes of the victim, except for this one small ‘area’ where they need some assistance. The victim steps up and reaches out a helping hand, without realizing they’ve just been ‘captured’.

The abuser shows appreciation, affection, and a giving nature in the early stages. As the victim allows an abuser more fully to become involved in their lives and living situation, the abuser becomes manipulative and possessive.

“I just don’t want to share you. I love you so much I want to spend all our time together.” and the abuser has gained a stronghold.

Slowly, other friendships and relationships erode and the victim relies fully on the abuser for clarity, political views, and other life choices. No other input is required, the abuser had taken over influencing the victim.

“Honey, I’m only telling you to lose weight because I care about how you look.” An abuser comments over dinner. “Are you really going to eat that? You’ve gained a lot of weight recently.”

Suddenly, the victim no longer controls how much food is necessary. The abuser inflicts opinion even over that basic part of life.

“That shirt makes you look old, I’d rather you wore the red one I bought you.” And the choice of what to wear even sinks into neverland, because the abuser has taken over that choice too.

The victim may struggle to maintain some autonomy, but even that will be stolen away slowly, eroded as the abuser degrades and ridicules the victim even more.

Eventually, the abuser has total control. There’s no one else to turn to, and life looses it’s luster.

“You’re so depressed, why don’t you see a Dr. about some meds. They can give you something to help with that depression.” The abuser suggests, and the victim complies.

The abuser may even send flowers, or make flowery comments to encourage the victim at this point, and their efforts are seen as valiant, by the victim. But the lack of autonomy and self respect left in the victim soon take over again and leave them feeling depressed and lonely.

The abuser isn’t pleased by the victim and screams when needs are left unmet, ridiculing the victim even further. The abuser may even strike the victim at this stage.

“You made me do it. You just refuse to do what I tell you to do, and I have to take action. It’s your own fault. If you’d done what I asked you to do, I wouldn’t have had to hit you.” The abuser blames the victim.

The victim at this stage isn’t up to arguing that it isn’t their fault. They just accept the blame as a curse for not being good enough to please their abuser.

What may have begun as the Victim feeling helpful and alive, has ended in defeat at this point.

Are you a victim of this kind of abuse?

You have choices. Get help at http://mom4biz.com

© 2007 – mom4biz.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff

Recently, a young woman walked into my office. Her tears were evidence of her real emotional trauma. Her struggle had been on going and long term. She’d struggled with turning her stalker in to the police, because it was her biological father.

How can this be? A stalker, the father of a young girl who claimed he’d been prevented visitation to the girl as a child, was victimizing her now. I glanced at the sidewalk outside where she said he was still waiting. Sure enough, a fairly average looking man with his hands in his pockets paced on the sidewalk outside the business.

Has he done anything? No. He’s given no indication that he wants to injure her, and yet her fear is very real. Should I recommend she overcome it and face him? Or what should my role be in this situation. I prayed for understanding and wisdom and stepped heavy into the fray.

After a bit of conversation, she explained that she hadn’t actually seen this man in more than five years, but suddenly he’d started showing up in places where she worked and did business. She didn’t know if he was dangerous or not, but he hadn’t paid child support and had shown no interest in her, until now… She wanted nothing to do with him.

We visited and she explained that he’d been verbally abusive and demanding before he left her mother more than six years earlier, and she simply didn’t trust him not to continue his abuse now that she was an adult. His current behavior indicated that he most probably would continue it. Stalking is a form of manipulation. A threat to your personal safety, stalking is against the law.

My advice to this young girl was simple.

1. Call the police and report the incident.

2. Be willing to press charges for stalking.

3. Keep a diary or record of his stalking attempts and contact.

4. Continue being aware of her surroundings. Stalkers are a threat, so be aware of them.

5. Be prepared for a confrontation. Be firm in stating your wishes to be left alone, and NEVER allow the stalker to get you alone.

If you’re a victim of stalking, learn to protect yourself. Visit

© http://mom4biz.com for more information about avoiding victim status.

If you’re a victim of stalking, learn to protect yourself. Visit http://mom4biz.com for more information about avoiding victim status.

© 2008 VerHoeff

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dee_Ver_Hoeff