Mom 4 Biz

Divorce Decision – Leaving a Relationship or Getting a Divorce

By Dee Ver Hoeff

Unhappy relationships take an emotional toll on your life. There’s a point at which you can continue to work on the relationship, and another point at which you probably should toss in the towel and let it go. There are two points that you’re probably struggling with, at least one or the other right now.

The decision is made, but you want someone to confirm that you’re done. You really should leave, but you’re just not sure you’ve done everything you can to make your relationship work.

The decision is you’re unhappy, but you’re not sure if it’s your relationship or something else. Should you stay or go? You really don’t know.

No matter which of these describes your situation, there are some bits of information you need to make a solid decision. Let’s solve this problem with a few suggestions that will help you make the decision you need to make and give you the strength to determine what is best for you.

Try giving the relationship center stage in your life.

This means you stop focusing on the outside world and what you should be doing, rethink your priorities and consider what your spouse wants. Do you know what your spouse wants from the relationship? Try asking. Find out if both of you are on the same wave-length. It doesn’t really matter if your choices are different from your spouses or not at this point, but it does matter if you’re on different pages. Find out what page your spouse is on.

Treat your spouse as you did when you were dating.

You probably think I’m off in la la land with this suggestion, but many marriages have been saved and relationships rescued simply by remembering the priorities you shared when you were dating. If you can’t remember how you felt back then, your spouse has probably forgotten too. Before you consider deserting the marriage, try refocusing on your priorities when you started dating. What were you looking for back then? Is it what you have? If not, did you stop working toward your goal?

Consider the life you have with an open mind.

Some think because their needs are going unmet at any given moment that the relationship is over. That doesn’t always work, you need to refocus on your marriage and count the working portions of your relationship. Are they worth saving? Are the parts that aren’t working in your marriage possible anywhere? Are you expecting more than you’ll ever get?

Often the results of a broken marriage mean you’re going to live single because nothing is going to be better than the relationship you had. Nothing can meet your expectations. Consider that option. Is it what you want?

If you’re thinking about re-entering the dating scene, you might want to take a look at http://mom4biz.com and see what happens when you’re single.

© 2008 – Dee VerHoeff

Your Sister, Your Friend – The Sibling Solution for Communications & Relationships

By Jan Verhoeff 

When we grow up in a nuclear family, we often forget the concept of family relationships. It isn’t common to spend an afternoon with a sibling in today’s jet set world of transition. In fact, friendships don’t often last more than a few years. We move around too often to maintain friendships. And yet, in this fast paced world, there are more ways than ever before in history to maintain contact with family and friends.

Email –

Oh my gosh, you mean you don’t email your siblings? Why not? Send them greetings several times a week, just to remind them you’re in existence. Tell them what you’re doing, and remind them of your children’s names and ages. Activities and up coming events make great email announcements. Not long stuff that they’ll feel responsible to answer, but short quick emails that remind them they have a sibling.

Yahoo Groups –

This is a great way to keep track of family events, activities, birthdays, and vacations. You add them to the calendar, make them an annual reminder if the act applies, and increase your contact with mini reminders that you can all receive in your email box. The best part is, when you send each other messages, they’re archived for checking back later. Everyone has access.

Blog –

This one is an awesome method of keeping in contact. If you all blog on the same one, it gets busy, active and lively. Consider a political discussion on your blog, or a family history blog, where everyone posts pictures and memories. Stay tuned in for the next blog by subscribing to a blog feeder on your email pages. Everyone gets notification, nobody is burdened to keep it up, and everyone has access.

Web – Photo Album –

This is a great way to show off the kids, swap photos, and stay updated with your family. By adding some subheadings and links to other activities, your family and friends can stay abreast of your activities and share in the joy you feel as a parent, sharing your children’s accomplishments.

Phone –

Remember that thing that hangs on the wall in the kitchen? You can still use it. Just dial your sibling’s cell phone number while you’ve got a cup of coffee or tea in hand and chat while you relax. Honestly, it will drive your sibling insane, but… they’ll thank you for it later.  Call HOME! (Better yet, use that magnificent 3-way capability you have and get two siblings on the line at the same time. You can drive two crazy for the price of one.)

Jan Verhoeff is a big sister with four children, a grandbaby, and a life. She stays in touch at http://mom4biz.com and will show you how you can too.

© 2008 – Jan Verhoeff

Phone Home – Parents Respond Well When You Call More Often

By Jan Verhoeff 

These days with all the instant access and communications, we often forget to pickup the phone and call home. After living nearby parents for most of the first five decades, my parents developed anxiety when I left. Their anxiety became my problem when their worry ridden phone calls disrupted my life for hours at a time. In fact, the batteries on my cell phone crashed!

There’s a better solution.

Call home frequently. Give your parents a bit of yourself more often, so the phone calls aren’t filled up with anxiety and abandonment.

As amazing as it may seem, your parents probably count on you more now that you’re “knocking fifty” than you depended on them when you were younger. Abandonment in their golden years is a definite issue for seniors, particularly when their only connection to “the real world” was their children and grandchildren. Even more so, a senior whose spouse has left or passed on, feels the abandonment of children who have a bigger life.

Imagine how you could stay in touch, communicate that you’re still available, and remain in contact with your parent who seems to need you more than you want to be needed. Focus on opening up the communications and your parent will relax about your absence.

Some solutions your parent might respond well to, include:

·         Frequent short emails about what you’re doing.

·         Electronic calendar reminders of your activities and interests.

·         Frequent phone messages, even a short blurb before your meeting might make them content to go off to bed without knowing you’re tucked in for the night.

·         At least one conversation during the week when you’re not the first one to say “I gotta go!” (Try calling when you know THEY have an appointment or scheduled event.)

·         Cards and letters with pics of the kids and grandkids. They love those pictures. When you go home again, they’ll be all over the refrigerator or on their favorite table where they see them frequently.

Communicating with family is important. You can learn more about avoiding the abandonment plague at http://mom4biz.com  when you sign up for a FREE Ezine Subscription to put your family on target for better communications.

© 2008 – Jan Verhoeff

Christmas Shopping – Beat the Rush & Enjoy the Holiday Season

By Jan Verhoeff

“Kick off November in grand style!” That’s the advice from my writer friend Marcia McClure of Monument, Colorado. With each newsletter I receive from Marcia, I realize why she’s such a hot topic in “Romance Writing”. She’s so attentive to the details of life. Her energy is contagious! But what does that have to do with Christmas Shopping?

While the rest of the world is still struggling to get their plans in order for Thanksgiving, you could be organizing Christmas for a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday season. Here are some suggestions of things you could do early to be ready for the holiday season.

·         Wrap and package all gifts you’ll mail before Christmas.

·         Bake some extra “stuff” to freeze for gifts later.

·         Start now to make some of those delightful hand made wonders, your family and friends all enjoy.

·         Clean the house and prepare for Christmas decorating.

·         Consider painting any rooms that need freshening up before Thanksgiving.

·         Get all your snow removal and fun equipment ready NOW.

·         Do the winter chores early.

·         Send out the linens for professional cleaning.

·         Rearrange your china cabinet to make Christmas serving dishes readily available.

·         Wrap all the gifts you’ve shopped for and label them for under the tree.

·         Collect wrapping paper and ribbon accessories in preparation of a marathon wrapping spree.

·         Order greenery early (Boy Scouts are sending out orders now for December delivery).

·         Order in books, games, movies, and entertainment for the season now, so it will be waiting for you during the holidays, when you’re ready to enjoy.

These are just some of the early things you can do to speed up your decorating efforts through the season. Make time for more fun by getting the work done early.

Learn more about how you can become an organized mom at http://mom4biz.com and have more fun with family and friends.

© 2008 – Jan Verhoeff